the following is the full interview which was ordered not to be printed because the Fitchburg

State College president thought we were "drug addicted gang members" this interview was conducted on 10-14-00. and i think the dudes name was Shep that interviewed us. heh, sorry Shep if thats not your name!

Getting Down and Dirty With

THE UNIVERSAL MONSTER SERIES

Its midnight and I'm sitting in Denny's near the mall, waiting for my interviewees to arrive. They're late, as they promised they would be, so I am not surprised. They have identified themselves only as J. Hickley and Jose Unbelieveable, the only members of the self described "Power Crap Core" band, The Universal Monster Series. Finally, they arrive at around 12:15. The one who calls himself J. Hickley is dressed in jeans and a sweater with random holes. His hair is unkempt and looks in dire need of a wash. He is following Jose Unbelieveable, who is wearing a thin blue jacket with a Who pin and winter hat with a ball on the top.

They sit down. Unbelieveable cordially introduces himself, extending his hand for me to shake, while Hickley simply nods and mumbles "Hello". After some petty small talk, mostly between Unbelieveable and myself, the interview begins...

WHAT IS THE UNIVERSAL MONSTER SERIES ALL ABOUT?

Hickley: Huh ... I don't really know, Jose?

Unbelieveable: Um, UMS is, God, I don't know. Its about two men on a mission...

Hickley: Yeah, sort of like a world domination kind of thing, like an attack on the masses or something.

Unbelieveable: Think of the most fucked up scenario, put it in a blender, and voila! You got UMS.

WHEN YOU SAY "POWER CRAP CORE", WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU MEAN?

Hickley: (sighs) You know I really didn't think about it when I said that (chuckles) so I'm not really sure. I guess you could say...

Unbelieveable: (whispering) The mice did it! The mice did it!

Hickley: (laughing) No, I really don't know. We just pick up instruments and make complete idiots of ourselves. It's pretty neat, actually.

(Unbelieveable excuses himself to go smoke a cigarette)

Hickley: He just bought a Camel Keg, so he's pretty excited. Forty goddamn cigarettes in a can. Christ.

SO WHO DOES WHAT?

Hickley: We both do a little of everything. I mean, on the songs where I sing and play guitar, Jose plays drums and vice versa.

AND YOU SAID YOU HAVE A COUPLE RELEASES IN THE NEAR FUTURE, RIGHT?

Hickley: Yeah, we have a CD coming out on Halloween and split with Godstomper is scheduled to come out in January, if the records are pressed in time. (Godstomper is a grindcore band from California)

HOW DID U.M.S. GET STARTED?

Hickley: Well, Jose and I were just fucking around one day, I was playing guitar and he was on the drums, and I suggested we just start a kind of a joke band. At the time I was really into old horror movies, like the whole Frankenstein series from the thirties, and Universal Pictures puts them out. That's where we got our name.

DO YOU HAVE ANY INFLUENCES?

Hickley: Heh, not really. Our sound just reflects whatever mood we're in at the time. Jose is influenced by Barry Manilow.

(Unbelieveable returns from his seemingly short cigarette break)

Unbelieveable: What did I miss?

Hickley: Not much, I just told him about the cd and the record and our name and stuff

WHAT CAN WE EXPECT FROM U.M.S. IN THE FUTURE?

Hickley: Lots of mayhem and shit

Unbelieveable: Blood

AND IF THIS IS PUBLISHED BEFORE HALLOWEEN, YOU HAVE A SHOW COMING UP ON THE 31st, RIGHT?

Hickley: Yup, at the Franco Vets in Leominster. It should be pretty rad.

Unbelieveable: We're playing with a bunch of local bands that set this whole thing up. It should be pretty cool, lots of blood and Halloween type stuff. If you wanna go, dude, dress up

WELL, THANKS FOR YOUR TIME, GENTS

Unbelieveable: No, thank you

Hickley: Any time, bro

that is pretty much the entire interview, word for word. I spiced it up a bit so it would be a bit easier to read, and not all bunched up like the original copy. If you want to buy the original copy of this transcript from me, send a check for $650.00 to:

JOSE UNBELIEVEABLE, esq.

c/o UMS Transcript

1410 Elm Street

Lincoln, NE 48395 USA